God abandoned Himself.
God abandoned Himself to feeling abandoned by Himself so that I could be most united to Him in the very hour He allows me to feel He has forsaken me.
He cried out from the Cross "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" Jesus, being God, could not be forsaken by God. He withdrew His Divinity in some manner, in order to meet us in the agony of feeling forsaken by Him.
I have discussed this unsearchable reality on our blog talk radio program before. Most recently, in this episode with Dr. Gregory Thompson just a few short days ago.
Of course, I'm far too dumb to have penetrated this reality on my own. I believe I heard it on a Catholic radio show at some point and then saw it confirmed and taken deeper in The Dark Night of the Soul by Saint John of the Cross.
In the past few days, I endeavored to finally get about the reading of Saint Faustina's diary in the hopes that I may glean some insight into my own spiritual struggle and prayer life.
I was once again struck by this amazing revelation that God is clearly placing before my eyes for some purpose. Is there no end to how paradoxical and confounding God is? (emphasis mine)
+ The Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment –
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, “Save me, I am perishing!” And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her – for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
(47) If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been 53 through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul‟s suffering, mocking it: “Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!” But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. “What have you gotten out of your mortifications,” says Satan, “and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!” This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.